


The Idol Who Fell from Grace with the Patriarchy

by SteveToolman



Category: Hello! Project, Morning Musume.
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Humor, Metafiction, Twitter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:12:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27619541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SteveToolman/pseuds/SteveToolman
Summary: Kitagawa Rio is a silly and naive girl who is not very bright. She is only 15 years old so she has basically zero intelligence and life experience.  Since she is from a non-Western country she is not very well educated, unlike affluent women with too much time on their hands that post on Twitter about inconsequential things. One day a very evil man convinces her to take part in the perpetuation of The Patriarchy. This is the story about how she was tricked and her redemption at the hands of an obese Twitter woman with strange colored hair and many cats who uses Twitter politics as a replacement for having an actual personality.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 2





	The Idol Who Fell from Grace with the Patriarchy

We find Kitagawa Rio sitting in the shade of a large tree. In her lap a coloring book based on the famous novel “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” and other children's' stories. To the side a box that is supposed to have 128 crayons in its moorings, but it appears that it lacks quite a few presently. And not just the crayons that she's presently using are missing.

“Sometimes I feel like a very hungry caterpillar.” She says, out loud, to herself. 

“These crayons all look so delicious, I can't help but eat them!”

She grabs another delectable crayon from the box. 

“But you know what? Even though they look like they would all have different flavors, they all taste the same!” 

She bites another crayon and begins chewing it thoroughly. 

“You see? Even though this crayon is purple like a grape it doesn't taste like grape at all!” 

She swallows the bits of chewed crayon and pops the rest of the crayon in her mouth. 

“I might as well not let it go to waste.”

Watching the scene, from the shadows of a nearby lichen covered boulder, a tall lanky man clad in a black trench coat and even blacker still stovepipe hat. He fiddles with one of the evil looking curled ends of his mustache. 

“This one will be the easiest one yet!” He proclaims. “Why this girl is so naive and foolish I'm sure if I told her that I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell, she would believe me.” He rubs his hands together in fiendish anticipation.

“Hee hee hee hee!” His anthropomorphic dog laughs a raspy laugh.

“Come now, Mutt-Dog! We have work to do!” And they begin slithering over the ground, literally, much like snakes, towards their quarry. 

Rio has returned her attention to her coloring book. The page that she's currently working on has a picture of a beagle. Beagles, if you are unaware, are usually black, brown, and white in color. Contrasting rather greatly, Rio's beagle is completely red. She was not able to stay within the lines as well. For shame, Rio!

“He reminds me of Clifford The Big Red Dog now!” She smiles a toothy multi colored grin at her work, satisfied with the end product.

“My, my, little girl! What a nice picture you have there!” The man in the black clothing gestures towards the coloring book page mostly covered in a large red scribble, the black lines of the beagle barely able to be seen. 

KitaRio is a little taken aback. Who is this strange man? She thinks. Is he my friend? I don't remember seeing him before. I think he's one of those 'strangers,' I've heard about. I better be careful around him.

She doesn't respond to his statement. She flips the page in the coloring book and grabs another crayon. KitaRio, at the tender age of fifteen, holds the crayon tightly in a balled fist because she lacks the dexterity and intelligence to hold the crayon correctly.

“I don't talk to strangers!” She yells, seemingly intent on ripping a hole through the coloring book page with her forceful motions with the crayon.

“Wow, what a smart girl you are! You're mother is probably VERY proud of raising such a bright young girl. You're right, it's rude of me to speak to you without first introducing myself.” The man exaggeratedly gestures as he speaks. 

“My name is Richard Dickinson. Pleasure to meet you.” He doffs his hat at this statement, revealing a sizable bald spot upon his head. “And you, little lady, what might your name be?”

Rio continues coloring the picture of a lake with an accidentally chosen correct crayon, blue. She's wary of the man and refuses to answer.

“Now, don't you think it a bit rude to not give me your name? I gave you my name. Isn't it fair that you give yours?” He speaks slowly and uses corresponding gestures for 'my name,' and 'yours'.

He doesn't seem that bad. Rio thinks. He's even bald just like my Grandpapa. Maybe he is a grandpa too. Her mood lightens a little bit.

“My Mommy and Daddy call me Kitagawa Rio.” Her eyes don't leave the coloring page, however.

“Kitagawa Rio! I've head of that name! You're a very special girl, you know. I know you're in that big idol group, Morning Musume! I'm a big fan of yours!” Perhaps the argument would not be persuasive against most people, but with a girl as young and inexperienced as Rio it works like a charm.

“You're a fan? That makes me very happy!” She smiles the same rainbow colored smile.

He tries not to have noticed. “That's right, and actually I'm from the company you work for too! My department sells books.” He gestures towards the book that she's holding.

“COLORING BOOKS?” She stands up. Excited at the possibility. 

“Well, no not yet. We sell picture books. You like to look at picture books, don't you?” He twirls his mustache. 

“I like books that don't have a lot of words in them.” She replies. “I'm no good at reading!”

The man's dog laughs in the same raspy laugh. “Well how about we make a book together? But, it would have to be set in a fun place.” The man paces around, eyes skyward as he pretends to think. “The mountain would be too cold. The city is too smoggy. How about the beach!?” His vision returns to the image of the girl.

She seems to have become disinterested. She places a crayon inside of one of her nostrils. With a single finger, she blocks the opposite nostril. Then she forces air out the nostril that contains the crayon, sending it flying. She finds this amusing.

Richard claps in front of her face to get her attention. “A photo-book that takes place on the beach, how about it? You like water, don't you?”

Rio returns her attention to the man at the mention of water. “I love water.”

“You would be able to play in the water a whole lot if we went to the beach for the photo-book.”

She drools slightly. “That sounds super fun!”

“Of course we would have to get you some fun swimsuits to wear, how about that?” A smile crosses his face. His dog continues to laugh, laughing with eyes nearly bulging from his sockets.

“Yay!” And with that the deal is sealed. Rio will star in her very own swimsuit photo-book.

Back behind the boulder, Dickinson shouts to his dog, “I told you, I told you it would be easy!”

The human-like dog is hooked up to an auxiliary oxygen tank in order to prevent him from dying from laughing so much. “Hee hee hee hee. Hee hee hee hee!”

“And now to call....HIM!” He produces a phone from his jacket pocket and slams his hand upon the number pad a few times. A dial tone as he waits for an answer.

A man sits upon his cushy leather chair looking at his computer screen. He's looking for social media profiles of “stunning and brave,” young women. A profile catches his eye. An HR manager in her mid 30s with no boyfriend, husband, or kids. It lists the name of her 8 cats, or “fur-babies,”, that she takes care of. She likes watching The Office, Disney films, and is very interested in getting Trump out of office despite her not being an American. 

“A perfect target!” He shouts. “Wouldn't you think so?” He turns to one of the many women cleaning his office.

A permission to speak. Thinks the woman. “Yes, I agree with you wholeheartedly.” She answers.

He begins typing a message to her. A message that will tell her that MEN are in charge and will always be in charge and that she is just a lowly woman and she should understand her place in society.

He begins the sternly worded message:  
“:laughingwhilecryingface: :100: :okayhandsymbol: lmao ur fucking ugly i bet u couldn't get a boyfriend if u tried...”

He is interrupted by the phone ringing. Perhaps it is one of his many agents reporting back a progress report. The man cuts short his acridic well written diatribe to answer the phone. 

“Hello. Yes, it is I. The CEO of Patriarchy. How goes your mission of subjecting innocent young dumb girls to our miasma of 'The Male Gaze'?” The man on the chair states as he thinks horrible thoughts about women.

“I've done it, Sir. I've convinced a completely innocent and naive girl to take part in a photo-shoot for a photo-book!” Richard says as he sees the ambulance team carrying his dog away on a stretcher. 

“Very good!” The CEO of Patriarchy stands up erectly and shouts into the phone receiver. “I was afraid I was going to have to take my dissatisfaction out on one of these maids I have working for me here. ”

\---  
Kitagawa Rio is looking on Twitter for comments about her new photo-book. “WOW, it looks like everyone likes my new picture book!” Her voice is a little hard to understand due to the play-dough taking up a sizable portion of her oral cavity. “I mean, I can't really read but I like that everyone's posts have lots of nice looking emojis in them.”

One post catches her eye, however. An obese foreigner woman with strange colored hair. She used mean looking emojis instead of nice ones.

Rio spits the play-dough out of her mouth and yells “Mom, can you read this for me?” 

Her mother, pregnant and carrying two babies and being trailed after by two more toddlers, stops her work cooking in the kitchen and comes before Rio and the laptop. “I'm sorry, my daughter, but as you know I have not received any education as well. I mostly just give birth and cook food for your father, maybe you could ask him instead. He is very honorable and brave and smart, unlike us.”

Her father appears before the laptop, clad in traditional Japanese samurai gear. “It says....” he furrows his brow at the realization, “Something...most dishonorable.” 

“Please, Papa, read it to me!” Rio pleads.

My beautiful daughter is asking this of me. But this may be too much even for a man of my stature. The father thinks to himself. 

He looks upon his oldest daughter. She's playing with the play-dough that she had spat out earlier. 

But perhaps the meaning of the post would not even reach her. He concludes.

“I will read it for you, my obedient daughter. But you must promise to continue being a good girl and to continue your role as a proper woman in our society!” He says to her as she licks the play-dough.

“Okay, Papa! You know me, I'm always a good girl who follows the rules!” She sticks a lump of dough in one of her ears.

The father reads the woman with the strange colored hair's Twitter post:  
“Um this is totally, um , you know, a BIG YIKES! And really problematic, you know. Kitagawa Rio is too young and naive to agree to a bikini photo-book. No, I will not explain myself. :rage: :rage:”

Upon hearing this Kitagawa Rio drops the play-dough. A change has come over her. 

“Is there something wrong, my daughter?” The father asks of her.

Rio's hair begins changing from the color black to blue. She looks down at her stomach as it enlarges and she becomes obese. 

“I'm sorry, Papa. But now I know too much.”

She grows body hair and refuses to bathe anymore. She loses all of her friends because everything around her is considered “problematic”. They cannot stand her anymore. She begins to adopt cats. She begins to hate men and as a result begins to date similarly disgusting ham-planets.

“I have made a grave error.” The father weeps silently to himself. “My daughter brings much dishonor.” 

He produces his katana from its sheath. “I know now what I must do.” And with his death another member of The Patriarchy falls.


End file.
